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My due date is
May 24, 2001

Today I am
5 weeks, 6 days
pregnant.

I have gained
0 Pounds
during this pregnancy.

September 27, 2000

I am, apparently, glowing.

So I've been told, anyway, about a few thousand times. Is this just the standard thing to say to pregnant women, or is it true? Has pregnancy made me prettier?

I stare at myself in the mirror, trying to see if there's anything different. There isn't. Short red hair, check. Blue-green eyes, check. Mouth too broad and cheekbones too low and eyes too close-set, check, check, check. I look like myself.

Maybe what everyone is seeing (and what can't be seen in the mirror) is that I am, well, happy. Truly, unreservedly, blissfully happy. And yes, pregnancy has done this to me. When I was going through infertility everything I did and thought and felt was affected by it. I could not forget for one moment, not even in my sleep, that I was longing for a child and that I could not have one. The sadness was always with me, and I'm sure it showed. A little black cloud trailed behind me as I sighed through my days.

But now the cloud is gone. I wake up joyful every morning. My cheeks ache from smiling so much (I can't seem to stop!). So maybe it's true; maybe I really am glowing, and maybe it has nothing to do with my looks and everything to do with how I feel inside.

 

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