My due date is
Today I am
I have gained
Odd to think that this is the seventh day that I've known of my pregnancy. It seems like it's been a lot less time. I still have these little moments where it all of a sudden hits me, oh my God, I'm really pregnant. And then all the ramifications come tumbling after -- I'm going to be a mother, I'm going to have a baby, I'm going to be completely responsible for someone else's well-being. It's a frightening, overwhelming realization, and I wonder if I'm up to the task.
All this, despite the fact that this is a very planned and long-awaited pregnancy. I can only imagine how women with unplanned pregnancies feel.
I met one of these women yesterday. I was at the library, in the pregnancy section, looking at all the books. Another woman was there, pulling out book after book, piling them up on her arm. We looked at each other. "Are you....?" I asked. "Yes," she said, "I just found out on Sunday." She looked dazed. "I can't believe it," she said. She seemed on the verge of tears. She took her books and trudged to one of the reading tables and then just stared at them as if she didn't know where to start.
While I was going through infertility this would have angered me, I would have thought why is she the one who's pregnant when I would appreciate it so much more?. But now I understand why she is feeling this way, and I'm sorry that she doesn't have the joy that I have mixed with all the apprehension.
My whole life is going to change, and I don't know if I'm ever going to be ready.